Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Two Readings

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Quick note—I’m doing two readings in the next couple weeks:

Paper Cone Stories on Wednesday, April 28, from 8 - 10pm, at Jack’s Stir Brew in the West Village. It’s free, there will be beers and mimosas (exclusively? I’m not sure), and the other readers are Bob Powers, Leon Neyfakh, Akiva Gottlieb, and Chris Fleming. RSVP here, or just click there for more info.

Big Terrific on Wednesday, May 5, from 8:30 - 10:30pm, at Cameo in Williamsburg. It’s free, there will be all kinds of food and drink because it is a bar/restaurant, and I’m not sure who the other performers will be, but the show should be awesome, because it is the “best stand-up in NYC,” according to New York magazine, which also happens to be the place I now work, although I had nothing to do with that.

OK, that’s it—I’m just going to be reading stuff from here, I think, or maybe from the Awl or the one thing I wrote for the Huffington Post. Nothing too exciting, but it’d be awesome if people came! And if you do, please say hi!

Flirting With Guys

Monday, December 28th, 2009

A very short story.

“So, do you come here often?” he asked, leaning toward me with a twinkle in his eye. We had been exchanging flirtatious glances across the bar all night—finally he was making a move.

“Yes,” I said, with a playful smile.

“Oh really?” he said.

“Yup, I come here every day, actually,” I said. “On weekdays they open at five, so I get here fifteen minutes before that to wait outside, and then on weekends they open at noon, so I get here a lot earlier.”

“Huh,” he said, giving me a funny smile. “You really do come here often, I guess.”

“Yup, there’s no one else who comes here as much as me—you can ask the manager. They even let me keep stuff in the bathroom.”

“Ah,” he said, and looked around the room.

“One time I fell down over there and hit my head,” I said, pointing to a corner in the bar, “but no one noticed so I even got to stay here overnight.”

Literary Death Match This Thursday in NYC

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Hey guys! If you want to pay $10 to watch me read some of these stories that you can otherwise read for free online, here on this website, I am competing in a Literary Death Match this Thursday, November 19th, at the Bowery Poetry Club in NYC. I’m not even completely sure how it works, and there is a STRONG possibility I will feel really sad or embarrassed at some point, but whatever! There’s booze, too. Come and say hi to me!

Huffington Post & The Awl

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

OK very quick! I’ve been doing some other writing and I thought I’d put it here briefly:

For the Huffington Post: How To Make Your Husband a Nice Dinner.

And for The Awl: Letters to the Editors of Women’s Magazines, parts three and four.

OK that’s it!

Appearance on A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

Hey guys! I drew a cartoon for a blog I really like called A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends. It’s goofy, but I’m excited! And I recommend going through other posts on that blog, too, because it’s really good.

Etsy Store

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Hello! I just started a store on Etsy in case anyone wants to buy a print of my food art.

I’m pretty sure I messed up somewhere in the construction of it, but maybe not! Haha, who knows! Anyway, it should be pretty self-explanatory, although for now I only have one print size listed (8″ x 10″) and only a handful of the foods, but I can print other sizes and other pictures too, if you’re interested—just send me an email if you have a special request.

smiles

Overheard in my imagination

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

1: Your blog is a template

2: How many plates?

1: I’m not sure

they feeded it with bread and then it died

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

There’s been some serious debate over the past several months about whether or not the fake mermaid made out of a monkey and a fish that I saw in a museum and wrote about here was, in fact, a real mermaid that thrived on bread—or if it was something I created, maybe out of a monkey and a fish, to get rich.

Click here for their comments.

Personally, I agree with Samantha:

IF IT ISNT REAL IT DOSNT MATTER BECAUSE IT HAS STILL GIVE ENTERTAINMENT

mermaid

Are giant bugs possible? WELL ARE THEY OR AREN’T THEY BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE THEY ARE AND I SAW ONE

Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

There’s really no other way to put this, and I want to share it with you. It’s long and half-boring, but reassuring, that’s for sure.

Dear Straight Dope [Edith note: yup, this is a drugs website]:

After watching numerous films like Eight-Legged Freaks and Starship Troopers, I started wondering if giant bugs (and by giant I mean larger than humans) can exist in this world. Do the laws of physics limit the size of these creatures that have hard exoskeletons and move via hydraulics? (Come to think of it, I haven’t heard of giant prawns, either.) What if they had a constant supply of food, enough reproductive control that they didn’t destroy the ecosystem, and no animals (e.g., us) to hunt them to extinction? If they can carry things many times their size when they’re small, could they haul food sources like commercial airplanes once they become huge? More importantly, could giant bugs fly and terrorize our skies? �ngangoteer, Quezon City, Philippines

SDSTAFF Doug replies:

Two factors impose an upper limit on the size of insects or other arthropods and prevent them from becoming giants. The most restrictive is the way they breathe. Arthropods don’t have a closed circulatory system, meaning their “blood” (called hemolymph) doesn’t transport oxygen the way ours does. Oxygen reaches their tissues primarily by diffusing in through tubes called tracheae, which connect to the outside via small pores called spiracles. There’s a physical limit on how long these tubes can be before the tissue at the inner end can no longer effectively exchange gases with the outside air. If arthropods got much bigger than they are, the deepest tissues in their bodies would suffer from oxygen starvation and build up too much carbon dioxide. We’re fairly certain this is the chief limiting factor because prehistoric insects lived in an atmosphere with more oxygen and attained sizes as much as three times that of the largest insects living today. Even so, these ancient bugs topped out at maybe two feet long – formidable if encountered at a picnic [Edith note: YOU SAID IT!!! Hahaha!!], I suppose, but hardly enough to send the citizens of Tokyo fleeing in panic.

Another reason arthropods can’t get any larger, which would be an insurmountable obstacle even if they could get around the oxygen delivery thing, is that their muscles are inside their skeletons. The strength (”power,” in technical lingo) of a muscle fiber or bundle is a function of its cross-section (how thick it is). Suppose you had a fast-growing radioactive mutant arthropod – as it got bigger in three dimensions, its muscles would become more powerful in only two dimensions. To retain equivalent strength, the critter’s muscles — which are inside its limbs, remember — would have to get bigger at a faster rate than the limbs themselves. Beyond a certain point, either the insect’s muscles would burst its exoskeleton or it would be too weak to move. That’s why the largest arthropods that ever lived (the Eurypterids, or giant sea scorpions) were aquatic, and why the largest living arthropods (giant crabs) are also aquatic — it doesn’t take as much muscle power to lift and move a limb underwater. But even there, the limit seems to be around nine feet long. Unless an arthropod were to shed the qualities that make it an arthropod, notably an external skeleton, a bug bigger than that isn’t physically possible.

Given all this, you can appreciate that the whole “lifting X times its own body weight” business is totally dependent on the critter being tiny. Generally, the smaller the body size, the bigger the value of X. Once an arthropod gets to anything near a foot long, it’s lucky if it can lift its own body weight, let alone carry any excess baggage. As for giant flying bugs, the largest flying insects ever found (giant dragonflies named Meganeura) had a wingspan around 75 cm (30 inches). Given that they had no predators — they were at the top of the Carboniferous food chain in their day, about 300 million years back it seems fair to conclude they’d reached the limit for flying arthropods even in that super-oxygenated atmosphere. If we had things like that in our skies, the phrase “Look! A Meganeura!” would be uttered in awe and amazement rather than stark terror, though people might get uncomfortable when they saw them eating sparrows. Also, they would make a huge mess on one’s windshield.

monster bug

So thanks to my friend Bob for this heads up. It is nice to cross one thing off my list.

Siblings, Couple, or Strangers Pausing in a Field?

Thursday, July 26th, 2007

Think before you guess.

mystery relations

Select one of these option that I have put below, but there isn’t anything you can do after that because this doesn’t go anywhere or do anything, I am just showing off my ability to cut and paste from a website of codes.

Brothers
Romantic lovers
Strangers in a field