edith zimmerman

AGING: HAVING MOLES MAY MEAN YOUNGER SKIN CELLS

By NICHOLAS BAKALAR

People with many moles may be more susceptible to skin cancer [and are uglier], but a new study suggests that their cells may age more slowly than those of people with fewer moles [rendering them vaguely more attractive as elderly people].

As cells age, telomeres, the DNA at the ends of chromosomes, become shorter. Shorter telomere length has been linked to chronic diseases like diabetes and atherosclerosis. The number of moles a person has [positively correlates with how ugly their skin looks, but apparently they will look] also decreases with age.

The researchers, led by Dr. Véronique Bataille, a consultant dermatologist at King’s College London, measured the number of moles and the telomere length of the white blood cells of more than 1,800 women ages 18 to 79.

After adjusting for age, they found that the women with the most moles also had the longest telomeres — the equivalent of a difference of six to seven years less [busted than their hot friends] cell aging compared with those who had the fewest moles [but this is when they are all old and disgusting and it doesn’t matter]. The paper appears in the July issue of Cancer Epidemiology Biomarkers & Prevention.

“I haven’t found the elixir of youth,” Dr. Bataille said. “The next step is [to make being covered with hideous moles popular among teenagers] research to find out if this has clinical implications.”

The authors acknowledge that moles are [ugly and that this is therefore an unusual and borderline depressing finding] influenced by environmental and genetic factors, and that this study does not prove that longer telomeres cause moles to endure.

Moreo [Howe]ver, Dr. Bataille said, this does not mean[s] that having moles is necessarily a good thing. “As a dermatologist,” she said, “I want to emphasize that if a mole changes in size, shape, or color, you should see a [modeling agent because you are going to live forever] doctor.”

My roommate Eric just told me about how he left a bag of potato chips out on the counter earlier this week, and then the other day he opened it and started eating them. Then he noticed that little pieces of chips were falling out all over his feet and he was like, What? I’m not dropping chips. What’s going on? Then he noticed that there was a hole in the bottom of the bag because a mouse had eaten through it already. So he threw the bag of chips away and went into the bathroom and MADE HIMSELF THROW UP.

Is this what normal people do?

Think before you guess.

Select one of these option that I have put below, but there isn’t anything you can do after that because this doesn’t go anywhere or do anything, I am just showing off my ability to cut and paste from a website of codes.

A while ago, my mom’s sassy friend gave her a throw pillow embroidered with this clever phrase: “Coffee, chocolate, and men are all better rich.” Usually whenever I go home this makes me EXTREMELY SAD so I turn it face down, but recently it’s been so thickly blanketed with cat hair and the crusted salt of tears that I don’t even need to! Just kidding! …(?)

But I guess what the pillow should say is this: “Coffee, chocolate, and men are not nearly as good as this pillow, which has a giant arm coming out of it that you can use to rest upon while you are falling asleep thinking about how women who have human love in their lives are missing out on the tenderness of this giant frightening cushion with a fake limb coming out of it that I have anthropomorphized to imagine is Philip, before he left me!”

The Boyfriend’s Arm Pillow is affordable too—this version is just $19.99, or, if you want to think of it this way, less than you would have spent on barbiturates! And they come in blue, green, or pink—-in case you want your inanimate, partial boyfriend to also be gay.

But the hand is always cadaverously white! : (

From the article: “One woman, Junko Suzuki, told AP: ‘It makes me relaxed… I can hold the arm and feel something warm at my side.’ Ms Suzuki, who is separated from her husband, says the pillow has other advantages. ‘It keeps holding me all the way through. I think this is great because this does not betray me.’”

SHE sounds like fun, right?

(PS I plagiarized this from myself at work, don’t freak out.)

So I am pretty interested in dinosaurs, and a few years ago I came across an article about this mysterious dinosaur fossil that paleontologists aren’t able to figure out. It’s a whorl of teeth that looks like this:

They call the dinosaur (although ancient shark-like fish are not technically dinosaurs) Helicoprion, which means “spiral saw.” Even though they can’t determine exactly how the teeth fit into the shark’s head, or how the shark used them, or even what it ate, they’re pretty sure that the whorl of teeth was on Helicoprion’s lower jaw. Here are some of my favorite dramatic renderings of Helicoprion. If you know me at all I’ve probably talked about this dinosaur while I was drunk or something. I’ll save my favorite picture for the bottom.

This one (above) is pretty cool because it’s the most realistic as far as shadows and sunlight and little things in the water are concerned, right?

This one (above) is a little bit boring, but I like the expression in his eye. He is freaking out!

OK and this is my favorite one:

They lived about 250 million years ago, they may have grown up to 20 feet long, and they are still a mystery to us today!

Here is a fun quiz:

How much time do I spend on the internet a day? 13 hours

It’s a one-question quiz that comes with an answer. Kewl, right? Different! I hate myself. Why do you read this blog?

Cheer up, here’s a video you won’t like:

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Fuck that video doesn’t even work

I want to live a life that leads up to me living in a house with this kind of dining room table in it:

Wow, what a table, right? Also, this table costs like $10,000. At first I thought it was the worst table I’d ever seen, but then I made it my desktop background (no I didn’t) and now I love it. Maybe if I had grown up with this as my dinner table I might have had a better, funner family.

I only did one of the wedding rewrites (actually I did a lot of them but they all sucked), so I’ll leave you with that.

Allison Lynn and Michael Dahlie were married yesterday by James Pringle, a Massachusetts justice of the peace, at the Beach Plum Inn and Restaurant in Menemsha on Martha’s Vineyard.

Ms. Lynn, 37, is keeping her name. She is a senior editor at Zagat Survey in New York and the author of a novel, “Now You See It” (Simon & Schuster, 2004). She graduated from Dartmouth and received a Master of Fine Arts in fiction writing from New York University.

She is a daughter of Susan Lynn and Dr. Morton D. Lynn of Longmeadow, Mass. Her father retired last year as a founding partner in New England Orthopedic Surgeons, a medical practice in Springfield, Mass. Her mother is a clinical social worker and infertility counselor at Baystate Medical Center, also in Springfield.

Mr. Dahlie, also 37, is a writer in New York and has had several short stories published. He graduated from Colorado College and received two master’s degrees, in European history from the University of Wisconsin and in creative writing from Washington University in St. Louis.

He is the son of Susan Dahlie of Wellesley, Mass., and the late Paul N. Dahlie. His father retired as a senior vice president and head of the international division at Shawmut Bank in Boston. He then became executive director of the Catskill Fly Fishing Center and Museum in Livingston Manor, N.Y.

Bridget just sent me this. It’s pretty raw, DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

Hui

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As some of you may know, one of my greatest dreams is to be in a rap video. I know I could do a good job. I even have a few ideas for a rap video of my own (one, I have one idea). I’m not going to say what it is in case someone takes it.

But basically if there are any famous rappers reading this blog, please consider me for your next video. Here is a picture of me rap dancing:

Look at my sick moves. When I am in the club, I grind with everyone.

I wrote a review of the Transformers movie (called Transformers) that’s on The L’s website. I guess it’s kind of sad to use your personal blog to link to your work blog, but I’m doing it anyway! Say what

It reminds me of when my coworker yesterday told me that she had just read my personal blog as well as the work blog (which she has to read because she works there) and she said, “So is this, like, what you do all day?”

And I said, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was raw like me?”

Anyway, check out my review! Transformers the movie.