edith zimmerman

You guys, my boyfriend and I did a pre-Halloween photo session to get the jitters out! :P What do you think?

Here is what my friend Alex emailed me:

I went to this Chinese place for lunch today and they had actual “quotes” from their “American” customers named Bob Lape and Judi McMahon about how great the restaurant is. These native English speakers had this to say:

Bob: “Food is appealling…oriented to health.”

Judi: “Delight emporium where the gourmet senses can be satisfied.”

That’s it, good work friends.

Here is a picture of my father, Bob.

Gross title

No problem, click here to do something other than read the rest of this.

When I see a toilet seat that’s up because a male used the public restroom before me, it’s technically unnecessary to lower it because I’m not going to sit on it anyway. But I do lower it because I’m concerned that if someone goes into the bathroom after me and they see that the seat is still up they’ll think I’m a transsexual and that I have a secret penis.

Recently I’ve been trying to break this habit because it’s dumb, but instead I’ve just been lowering a lot of toilet seats with my shoe. I try to do this quietly, however, in case the next person in line—who doesn’t know that the seat was up when I went in—thinks that I am in fact lifting the lid because I am a transsexual with a secret penis.

Anyway, did you guys see that Times article about how it’s helpful for a woman to get on her hands and knees when she’s pregnant and especially when she’s about to give birth? And that it’s helpful for the farmer to wear knee-high rubber boots when he pulls the baby out?

Babies! Can’t live with them inside your body forever, can’t live without them living inside your body for a little!

Check out the cinema project by Max Silvestri and Gabe Delahaye.

I recently did some freelance copyediting for a guy launching a new dating website. To register, you have to answer a 300-question true-or-false questionnaire. Here are some of my favorite questions that were on it.

Psychological Inventory

Tell us your your thinking style, motivations, self-management and other personal characteristics (cont):

All answers are required except those marked as (optional)
Section 9 of 10

12. I do not mind taking orders and being told what to do. True False
19. There is something wrong with a person who can’t take orders without getting angry or resentful. True False
30. People can pretty easily change me even though I thought that my mind was already made up on a subject. True False
34. Our thinking would be a lot better off if we would just forget about words like “probably”, “approximately”, and ” perhaps”. True False
37. I like to give orders and get things moving. True False
40. I am in favor of a very strict enforcement of all laws, no matter what the consequences. True False
51. I am embarrassed by dirty jokes. True False
68. I cannot do anything well. True False
83. Even though I am sure I am in the right, I usually give in because it is foolish to cause trouble. True False
86. When someone does me a wrong, I feel I should pay that person back if I can, just for the principle of the thing. True False
103. Clever, sarcastic people make me feel very uncomfortable. True False
106. I would be uncomfortable in anything other than fairly conventional dress. True False
110. I am certainly lacking in self-confidence. True False
111. Only a fool would ever vote to increase his or her own taxes. True False
118. I get pretty discouraged with the law when a smart lawyer gets a criminal free. True False
126. If a person is clever enough to cheat someone out of a large sum of money, he or she should be allowed to keep it. True False
127. I like to go to parties and other affairs where there is lots of loud fun. True False
128. Most people would be better off if they never went to school at all. True False
136. I must admit I am a pretty fair talker. True False
142. I must admit I often try to get my own way regardless of what others may want. True False
144. If the pay was right, I would like to travel with a circus or carnival. True False
155. I often feel as though I have done something wrong or wicked. True False
156. We ought to let the poor countries of the world take care of their own problems; there is no reason for us to help them. True False
161. People today have forgotten how to feel properly ashamed of themselves. True False
190. It makes me uncomfortable to put on a stunt at a party even when others are doing the same sort of thing. True False

205. I get sort of annoyed with writers who go out of their way to use strange and unusual words. True False
219. Sometimes I feel like smashing things. True False
224. I find that a well-ordered mode of life with regular hours is congenial to my temperament. True False
228. I don’t seem to care what happens to me. True False
229. Police cars should be specially marked so that you can always see them coming. True False

If this website sounds like it’s into the same kinds of things you care about, email me and I can give you the link.

Marian Jones just pleaded guilty to using steroids when she won all those Olympic medals and lying about it. And I realized that it’s always better to be honest, so I should clear up some stuff about the eight perfect attendance certificates I won in high school. Each year was broken into four quarters, so if you do the math you’ll understand that I almost never missed a single day of school. I loved going to school. Why? Because every morning my friend Sarah gave me a shot of tetrahydrogestrinone in my butt.