Shark Interview for Shark Week
Edith: Hi, and welcome.
Great White Shark: Thanks.
E: I really appreciate you coming on my show.
GWS: Oh you’re welcome, it’s a pleasure. Otherwise I just swim around all day.
E: That’s a great segue into some of my first questions.
GWS: Sure!
E: So let’s get back to what you already mentioned—that you spend a lot of your time swimming. What do you do while you swim?
GWS: Mostly just swimming, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Well I guess a lot of it is just going around.
E: What kind of food do you like?
GWS: My favorite is seals.
E: Yikes for the seals! If you’re watching, and you’re a seal, turn it off and go hide someplace, you might be in danger!
GWS: I wish.
E: How many seals do you eat in a day?
GWS: About five hundred.
E: That’s a lot. I would have guessed a maximum of three. At what point do you start to feel full? Like, “I think I’ve reached my limit, better pull back.”
GWS: Never. My hunger for flesh actually knows no bounds.
E: Amen. I wish mine did!
GWS: I don’t wish mine did. I like it the way it is.
E: That brings me to my second question. Is there anything you won’t eat?
GWS: Do you mean literally? Like, physically? For instance, I won’t eat large rocks, and I won’t eat my own body. Or do you mean, like, what do I find unappetizing?
E: I guess more along the lines of what you find unappetizing.
GWS: Nothing.
E: Okay. Do you like to eat people?
GWS: Yes.
E: How many people have you eaten?
GWS: I don’t want to frighten you.
E: Oh, that’s fine.
GWS: I have eaten one thousand people.
E: Oh my gosh!
GWS: I told you I didn’t want to say.
E: No, I’m not scared. What do you look for when you’re about to eat someone?
GWS: It doesn’t really matter. They can be alive or dead, or in a little boat. I don’t care.
E: Very interesting. What else do you like to do?
GWS: I don’t know.
E: Just kidding.
GWS: What?
E: What? Anyway, I think our time is just about up. Bye, see you later.
July 30th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
You made me snort.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Thought you might appreciate this. “Dinosaurs can be challenging co-stars. Especially when you can’t see them.”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Don’t encourage the nature paparazzi! While shark week might be fun for viewers, it’s a serious invasion of privacy to sharks; and, also, weeks. This stuff is all fun and games until a flashbulb-blind great white flips his Escalade on the Sunset Strip.
Remember: they didn’t ask to be sharks. They just wanted to be artists.
May 2nd, 2010 at 5:50 pm
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